One small (mis)step for man...

...one insignificant blip on the blogosphere.

Welp, looks like things are getting real here folks. I'm headed for fairer shores in less than 2 weeks time. It's all pretty shocking and a Major Life Change® so I figured if there was anything in my average humdrum life to record on the internet as if it were actually interesting enough to pry people away from Keyboard Cat and D-Listed it's this! Besides, when all my friends are trapped inside in their long underwear during another frozen nightmare of classic winter Canadiana I want to rub the sunny funballs of down-under-land in their faces like the great dude that I am.

So what spurred this sudden shift in an decorated career of slackerdom? Wasn't I proud enough of how I had managed to hold down a retail job for 4 whole years?! (barf)  Wasn't I ready to settle down and get married at the ripe old age of 25? (...24) Maybe get a head start into the Vancouver housing market, put the first couple pennies down on a shoebox in Yaletown?
MY GOD ELLIOT WHAT ABOUT YOUR STOCK PORTFOLIO YOU DO HAVE STOCKS DON'T YOU GOOD LORD ELLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Naw dawg, homey don't play that. 

Truth be told kids, I'm getting old. We've reverted back to the fifties mentality of married at 18 and kids at 25. Ok maybe not that extreme, but I swear to god it's getting close sometimes. And that's some scary stuff when you're coming up on the big Two Five without having left your country for anything more than Taco Bell (godblessem') and cheap sugar cereals from Target (godblessmydiabetes'). I know I'm gonna have to grow up soon, but like the Toys R Us kid that I am, I just don't want to. It isn't faiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrr waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

Move over Christians, it's time for another hedonistic vegetarian to cash in your "Lent" scam.

Another reason is dodging a friggin frigid Vancouver winter, the last one almost killed me, Swear.To.God.

So here we are, my last hurrah. My last spit in the eye of coming adulthood, my final ride on the merry-go-round. My last terrible cliche (far from it). After this year, I'll either turn into a pumpkin and start diving headfirst into school, or I'll be so far gone none of you will even recognize me, freebasing carpet cleaner with my new found lifemate Starbeam Wintermoon (she like, says that she's part forest spirit or something. we met at this rave in a dumpster) and living out of a birchbark canoe on my long lost uncle's lawn, earning my keep by selling locks of my hair as official holy relics (Starbeam and I will have started our own system of beliefs called Elliotism. IT'S NOT A CULT YOU SHUT UP!).

Personally I'm hoping for the former option. As I don't really like the dirty hippie lifestyle, and I think my aura is much too filthy to attract any 'free spirits'. So that means this year will be a lot of, as much as I hate the term, soul-searching and trying to find out exactly what I want to achieve on my short stay on the big blue known as Earth.  I've already ruled out my childhood dreams of being an astronaut, my teenage dreams of being a teacher and my current dreams of winning the lottery. It's just a damn shame the job of Batman has already been taken, I think I'd be kickass at that one.

I guess I kind of went Eat.Pray.Gay.Love on my life here. But it's a fair bit less revolutionary when you're 1. Not a 45 year old woman. 2. Not Julia Roberts. I guess there's two things on my side. So where am I going then? First on the docket, New Zealand! Wellington to be exact. I've got a superkickass friend down there who kind of gave me the final push out of the nest and therefore anything bad that happens on this trip is OFFICIALLY HER FAULT. The conversation leading up to my decision to hop the pond went a little like this:

Mimz-3000: Damn Elliot you're like the coolest person in the world life sucks without you around my bestie =(
Captain Fisher of the Starship Awesomeness: Yeah that sucks, too bad I can't just head over there and junk.
Mimz: ...
Cap: OH FUCK I TOTALLY CAN! ONE SEC BOOKING SHIT BRB

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So like I said initially, I've got just under 2 weeks remaining in sun-shiney Vancouver and hope to spend them with the people that make my life here ever so lovely.
Namely, and in no particular order:

Mi madre, mama Fisher, or as she's taken to calling herself lately Katflow. Don't ask me, I don't have a clue (but if you asked her she'd probably rap you off a long spoken word kind of poetry slam type deal that is somewhat intimidating but mostly just confusing). I can only assume that's where I get my crazy genes from. Honorable mention for family member of the year goes to brother Max, who has consistently proven that while apples don't fall far from trees, some fall under the shady side. I kid I kid, but I'm gonna miss seeing him grow up big enough to move away from home.

The lady of my life, let's just call her for anonymity's sake...oh I don't know, Blacqui. Who fills in as not only an amazing girlfriend, but as a wild animal handler, housecleaning specialist, fashion advisor and general all around best thing in my life. Just as I was typing this she asked me "Who am I gonna hate people with?" I wish I knew Jax, because then I'd cut him, cut him good for messin' wit' ma girl.


And of course a long list of friends and acquaintances that have made Vancity home to me, and provided all the good times over the last however many years I've been drifting around. This multitudinous mass will be missed muchly, and is the driving force behind this blog. I want to keep kids updated about me, and it's a lot easier than writing 50 separate emails every week.

There we have it kidlins, a very longwinded explanation as to why I'm moving around little pixels for all of you to read.


Until the next chapter, this is The Talented Mr. Fisher signing off.